Escape

I need to escape from my head but it is not that easy. No wonder why I'm confused. My head is a complex electrical circuit and the pathways are deteriorating from so much usage. Not from over thinking but strenuous thought all the time.

When I open my eyes my head hurts, I pause for a moment to try and think less or from my heart but the feelings do not last as this time is merely an alternation. In that moment of feeling, which is now, the leaves drop around my communicator and the gray ski blows a steady breeze past my bench.

I think to better myself. I came to Australia to better my self and direction. Indeed I have done that with support academically and socially. But there is a gaping hole in my self. I'm am learning, breathing, growing, and now I am left with complete dissatisfaction. My heart is not with me. When it is, it is only there for a moment and I can not live through it. To tell you the truth I am very afraid to stop using logic in the prediction that I will stop growing. But the contradiction is there and I am aware, but it is the fear that stops me.

I sense my father within me when I am in Australia. When we see each other our twisted logic collides into some sort of murky energy. This energy is not influential as it does pass.

Not like a friend who I will have to the end, has shown me his way, one which is truly influential. But it is his way. I will have my own, and I will continue to grow even when my material is compressed into stone.

There is a skill to be comfortable in yourself whereby you can treat yourself with the up most respect and love.

An individual I must continue to be. A balance of love and logic.

...?

Empty heart,
empty smile,
will the heat,
rise and rise.

I have never touched emptiness,
I have not laughed in a while,
when I see you smile,
I feel no love.

Your wrapped around me,
just clinging on,
It's like I'm scared,
this time I can't run.

As I stare beyond us,
I feel alone,
your not there,
we are not a pair.

Sex is something,
that I want,
but I am afraid again,
your not the one.

One is one,
two is two,
you say to me,
that it is not you.

Well if its not me,
then it must be you,
and if its not you,
then it must be me.

Will I stop or,
keep it going,
even while,
no love is showing.

I tell you,
I do no love you,
I assume you,
feel the same,

I remain,
to play the game,
what will it take to stop,
I thank the clock.

Another Sleepless Night

I have become pushed too far. Reaching out to no one with love and compassion, things become a blur. Distant light can not be seen as I am alone. Something is most defiantly missing.

Is it love,
is it you?

Looking out beyond the heavens waiting for the world to change. Something is not right.

How can so little be achieved through the lack of progress?

How can my mind and minds alike be drawn to such a profession? We are artists and free spirits, forced to cooperate, encouraged to act fake, rewarded to comply in the name of progress.

I am questing a construct that I have found comfort in. I'm afraid of myself. Failure. I guess I can never fail if I never begin, and if I never begin then I ultimately fail.

Is that all I am, afraid? Yes?

Fear numbed me and played tricks with my head. Fear, an illusion in life, which can destroy those it wishes to destroy through the pressure of subhuman systems. Fear will shut you down, blind you, create anger, and depress your spirit. When we are not afraid we will face the challenges of life not use them to destroy, suppress and exploit others.

I can no longer concede to fear, as fear is such a simple reaction to life. Those who instill fear into the lives of others will soon become afraid themselves, as we are coming, and we will not fight fear with fear, but make the world our own.

Power to the fearless...